Driving or Walking
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit.
He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the family car.
His father said to him, “I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it.”
A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said, “Son, I’m real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve studied your bible diligently, but you didn’t get a hair cut!”
The young man waited a moment and replied, “You know dad, I’ve been thinking about that.
You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair.”
His father replied, “Yes son, and they all walked everywhere they went!”
What’s Really Important
One warm summer evening a mother was driving with her three young children. A woman in the convertible in front of them stood up and waved. She was STARK NAKED. As the mother was reeling from shock, the five year old said, “Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!”
Ketchup
A mother was struggling to get the ketchup out of the bottle when the phone rang. She asked her four year old daughter to answer it. She heard her daughter say, “Mommy can’t come to the phone. She’s hitting the bottle.”
The Police
At the end of the day, a policeman parked his van in front of the station. As he was gathering his equipment, his dog started barking. The policeman looked up to see a puzzled looking little boy.
“Is that a dog you have back there?”
“Yes, it is,” said the policeman.”
“What’d he do?”
Child Psychology
A new teacher thought she would use what she learned in her psychology courses. She said to her class, “Everyone who thinks they are stupid, please stand up.”
After a few seconds, one boy stood. “Do you think you’re stupid?” she asked.
“No, ma’am, but I just didn’t want you to have to stand there all by yourself.”
State of the Economy
“I need a raise,” the man said to his boss. “There are three other companies after me.”
“Is that so?” asked the manager. “What other companies are after you?”
“The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.”
Funeral for the author of the Hokey Pokey
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey,” died peacefully at the age of 83.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in. And then the trouble began …
iPod Karaoke
I was in a popular coffee shop yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas!
The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me….
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod with headphones!
How do you get a kleenex to dance? Put a little boogey in it!
She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still…
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like an apple.
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.